my husband is driving my daughter away

Even if you didn't start out as a control freak, you might have realized that you morphed into one. Seriously though, Joss Whedon writes amazing TV his shows are some of the best the medium has to offer. Before reading Wendys answer you and your daughter sound awesome! And yeh I hated going to home depot with my dad but I know a lot more about home maintenance than some people. I mean ever. Child Endangerment - a Possibility When Driving Drunk - HG.org temperance Its a question many mothers ask themselves: why is my husband driving my daughter away? Great lesson to learn from your dad. I think the bottom line is that she is twelve- all of her interests could change in a year or two. I agree with you to some extent. Hmm, maybe. He is dedicated and hard-working. I would have been crushed if he rolled his eyes when I was excitedly talking about something. Im breaking out in hives. July 2, 2013, 11:03 am. They can work together to work on his father-daughter relationship but if his attitude doesnt change itll be that much harder. Criticism gets internalized so much more easily at certain ages and coming from certain people something everyone should be more aware of. Really not sure why I waited so long. You dont have to love Justin Bieber and Broadway to just ask the kid why she loves it so much. Yours on their own will just isolate her as, frankly, many out there find fangirls and fanboys annoying. I think it would seem less like forcing if he wasnt being a dictator about other things I mean maybe if she could listen to her music or a Harry Potter book on tape in the car on the way camping the daughter would be in a better mood , Marjoralynnia bitter_straight_lets_be_honest and your journey to the darkside shall be complete, lets_be_honest Its important to remember that it is not always your fault if your partner and child dont get along. Forget it. My dad would also try to do things we liked. Both of them are alike in that they are argumentative, particularly with each other, and if they disagree with each other or even have a misunderstanding neither will let it go, such that we end up with ridiculous escalating fights. I really think there might be a way for dad and daughter to meet in the middle here. Youre right, though. Will he ever change? I didnt get the sense that the LW is only liking or disliking things to get closer to her daughter. Yeah, apparently mine were fans all along, but there were no records in the house, unlike the other two. A game of Munchkin would be fun for all its geek references for you, and is playful enough that your husband might enjoy it. I got the same vibe you did. Liquid Luck Does he like the 80s music? LW, would your husband be up for a night of board games with you and your daughter? Its great that the LW naturally shares so much with her daughter, but the girl needs to spend time with her father as well, even if it doesnt seem like the most interesting thing at the time. Encouraging both of them to try more and be respectful would be a good start. Dont you think that much of parenting is ramming things down their throat. Like my sister loves Elvis, because my parents use to always listen to the Elvis hour on Sundays on the local oldies station, I didnt like Elvis then, so choose not to listen to it, I put my walkman on with Metallica, and Red Hot Chilli Peppers in it. We garden and cook together, and sometimes share favorite TV shows. I feel like Im in a relationship with two people, one who really loves me and his evil twin who emerges without warning or reason.. going to museums? 2. And I really do think he has been 100%, maybe even 110% put on the back burner. Additionally, she may worry that if she stays in an unhappy marriage like yours, it will damage her relationship with her future spouse. Asshole My son had his wedding days ago. Sure, he dragged me out on hikes that I hated, and I was a brat and pain during many of them. I notice myself not racing to pick up my daughter from. If a father is not present in his daughters life, she may feel neglected and unloved. Husband treats 15 year old step son badly. His GP should be able to refer him to an appropriate local counsellor or he could contact the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk). Seriously, though I obviously realize the error of my ways now My point being that while my dad exposed me to things that interested him, he also jumped feet first into things that interested me and NEVER EVER made me feel silly or stupid because I was a 12 year old who liked things that other 12 year olds did. Jordan was my fave back in the day. I dont care that much about baseball, but my dad is a fanatic so I played catch with him in the backyard and had fun because we were spending time together. Not knowing who the Beatles were, I thought it was something ABOUT beetles, and asked them Is it interesting? . Also hi BGM. We are this little team of 2. Be her parent and let her friends be her friends. If the issue is raised during a child custody . I'M GETTING FED UP WITH MY FRIEND'S CRUSH. I agree with what Wendy said, but I also think the dad needs to show interests in her interests. Not seeing their daughters as people who can make good decisions. ), and Vietnam, but he doesnt care much about the hippie culture, so even though I love that, we skip that. I mean, really, isnt that how you build a relationship with anyone? My dad had a This Old House sweatshirt even! Yes! Dad thinks Im stupid. Dad thinks Im not good enough.. I have vivid memories of being forced to attend Cardinals games with my dad because my mom said it was important. Too little time to post! I grew up with my dad frequently clipping newspaper articles he wanted us to read, and instigating family learning moments around the table. What to do? Hubby drives drunk with our kids! - today.com WE cant watch anything on TV or listen to anything in the car related to her interests while hes around, and if WE are talking about something he will sometimes break in and tell US to stop because it annoys him. Wow, Im glad Im not the only one whose beliefs on the cosmos/humanity have been influenced by Star Trek. Yikes, I shouldve known better than to comment on a cult show Sorry! , temperance It struck me the wrong way, too. My husband is driving me crazy over my daughters wedding Theres forcing your kids to do something outside of their comfort zone, normal range of interests which I am ok with and then theres refusing to listen to music in the car EVER? It cant be. Perhaps the dad needs his own assignments on theater, literature and pop culture? I mean freak out and force your kid to read something if they cant, not if you dont like that they choose to read Harry Potter in their free time. And of course. My sister and I grew up reading scifi and fantasy. I think she should have given more advice for the LW about dealing with the husband and his responses to the daughter. He was just happy that I was excited about reading. In this blog post, we will explore some strategies for resolving conflict between a parent and their partners children. Your Family Doesn't Want To See You Together. Yeah, unless you get something you cant do like spell backwards while jumping on one foot, then it just sucks, and you feel stupid. My Husband Is An Angry Parent And I Hate It. Eventually I grew up and learned to appreciate these things, and I can look back and say wow, my dad was so great and modeled the type of behavior I should show. Also, my father took me to the new Disney movie every year. Sometimes that means taking a step back and letting things calm down before you try to mediate. I just told her she wasnt allowed to ramble off all the names of plants/flowers unless I specifically ask as I really dont care (it would be like me telling her sports stats all day). Im going to disagree here, Wendy, and say that I think your response is filtered through your own happy, loving experience. He needs to make some fundamental changes to his behaviour. Ill go hiking with you, and I promise to go with an open mind and not complain about it. The episode where Picard experiences an entire lifetime with a wife, children, grandchildren etc. lets_be_honest Im not even saying all of the things listed are mature and intelligent, but that people can be smart and informed and still like these things. Have you read Tumblr recently? Maybe not the way it is being done (which Im not sure how that is) but it is possible to make it fun and even do it as a family. It sounds like she and her daughter just happen to share the same interests. Hed had a lot to drink and wanted sex right then. A talk with your husband about encouraging ALL of her interests (NOT belittling them) and being her own person is crucial at this age. I think I read this differently than Wendy. Ross says it definitely would have beenif not for his tendency towards horrific sea-sickness. He. Thats probably what her daughter is reacting to, and she probably sees her father as a bully. Me and my husband have a 4 year old daughter together. Making your kids do shit they dont necessarily like a lot is just life. But are there REALLY that many teen girls into Star Trek? He(now) jokes that he and my mom missed out on the music of the 80s (and therefore dont know any of it) because they were listening to the wheels on the bus on repeat for the entire decade. I actually had the opposite relationship growing up. I get that hes probably feeling left out, but thats not cool. Think "he's a big boy" "He's a grown man. . I agree, but the father didnt ask for advice, the mom did and we all know you can only control your own actions, so because of that, I think the advice given was spot on. Ive never had anyone go, Oh my gawwwwwwd, PL, whyyyyyyyyyy? And my husband tried; he can shoot bow and arrow (his dads favorite) very well, can recognize animal tracks, knows a number of out-doorsy tricks.it was never good enough. Just saying, theyre definitely still popular. And LW, just because there is communicating going on around you doesnt mean that your family has good, healthy, communication. I strongly agree with this. The wife should be supportive of his efforts, but he needs to act like a grown man and stop being so selfish. Yeah, I wasnt responding so much to Mark re: sports but to culture as a whole. July 2, 2013, 1:17 pm. Additionally, she may worry that if you stay together, shell have to deal with the same unhappy marriage later on in her own life. So because you think something is a timewaster you get to mock people for their interests at 12. Those twin feelings are what create the strong urge to come back with intense commitment after each escape.. But I loved my dad and my mom encouraged me and sometimes when I was being a brat prodded me -into hanging out with my dad. Dear Therapist: My In-Laws Are Driving Me Nuts - The Atlantic Lastly, the article idea isnt a bad one, but hes going about it all wrong. ! And they were kind of blas, like, Oh, we didnt? July 2, 2013, 4:37 pm. It makes me very depressed that the new Star Trek movies are so popular when the brilliance of DS9 and TNG are all but forgotten amongst our youth . The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. My point is that he is sort of entitled to have a threshold of finding the interests of a 12 year old girl annoying. but this might be the best Ive ever read here. Totally agree on the respect issue. This could be something as simple as going for a walk together after dinner or taking turns reading bedtime stories. Camping? The LW can do more to assist, and certainly needs to break away from the us versus him mentality (its easier said that done) but at the same time she cant force 2 other people to enjoy their time together. It could be something as silly as him walking into the kitchen when theyre talking and him jokingly saying something like Theres my two girls talking about Buffy again! and rolling his eyes. WTF youre her mother not her BFF get it together and help your husband round her out! Its no crime to roll your eyes at Buffy. For my husband he has to do all the driving. Just. Here are 16 ways husbands can unintentionally push their daughters away: It can be difficult to maintain a good relationship between your husband and your daughter, but there are a few things you can do to help. sarolabelle Shes interested in piano, archery, musicals and science fiction. Lily in NYC So you need to be more encouraging of her spending time with him and stop acting like a little club. I mean you describe your partner (who sounds amazing BTW) as cultivating her interests and introducing her to things which doesnt sound like what this dad is doing. I desperately wanted to be an astronaut? Surely, they can find a few places where their interests overlap a little bit. FUCK BOARD GAMES. Seems to notice every bad thing they do but rarely praises. It will also provide a model for her of living a rich adulthood, embracing passions and sharing passions them with the people you love (and showing interest in their passions!). Shes pulling away because hes hypercritical of her AND their daughter. As a mum who has exactly the same issue, I cant help but feel that this advice missed the point. You're surely not alone. We think theyre awesome. It was infuriating. You shouldnt belittle her hobbies because shes more cultured than you , lets_be_honest I didnt read an us vs. him vibe at all. If everybody liked the same things, the world would be rather boring. You wouldnt even ask that of an adult; why do you expect a kid to be okay with it? You became a drudge, in spite of him being a great guy and loving you madlybecause. She along with his son & ex wife all live 3000 miles away. Or its hilarious I have seriously never watched football in my life, so I once got called on to do a touchdown dance. Substance Abuse and Child Custody | WomansDivorce Tell you husband to ease up a little bit. If this girl is a only child and is used to having her mom love all the same things she does, then she may not be particularly receptive to reading about something that doesnt interest her or doing things she doesnt like. After all, youre two different people with different perspectives, needs, and wants. I intervene and quieten things down when I can, but it's not easy and I am at the point of wondering whether it's all worth the effort. He even told me the next day that he was the luckiest guy in the world. Older and (hopefully) wiser He did crossword puzzles so I sat down next to him so I could learn and now we do them together. My teenage kids are miserable & he treats them like they are toddlers. Counseling could help because communication is an issue here because no matter how much youve talked about it nothing has changed. One teenager in the house is bad enough But TWO must be exhausting. Help her get excited about the real science and history behind the fiction she enjoys. Again, no. Id like you to point out the things that you find fun or interesting along the way so I can see it from your eyesand then next week, the new Star Trek movie is out on DVD, so I would love for you to watch it with me. My parents still make fun of me for a movie I wanted to watch when I was 8 because it was so awful. They do need the help of their partners to learn to love in this new way. He's just as cool and aloof with me these days and I'm not sure how I feel about him anymore. Are you on Tumblr? For example, I taught my theatre kids The Crucible this year. Our differences are what make people interesting. My dad got me into the Beatles and Hendrix, so I hear that! Can Someone Else Drive My Car? | American Family Insurance - amfam.com The mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter away, but she has a few theories. Not Ready To See You With Anyone Other Than Their Biological Father. You do her a disservice by being greedy with her time and attention. it seems to . Or even more fun than you would. You dont always get to do the things you want and sometimes have to compromise. I wish Id been closer to my mother growing up, but now that Im almost 30, were as close as can be, so maybe itll just take a few years. And they never put down my interests (which at the moment are the same as the LWs). Thanks temp! (Okay, okay, I am projecting here, but again, I had way too many friends who were all way to into Buffy back in the day. They have their own part to play in the healing of the relationship. my parents made us go to church every Sunday then come home and watch meet the press. And my fingers are still crossed for you , kerrycontrary Sorry Wendy (and LW) I think your answer was as wrong as it was long. My Husband Hates My Daughter! 4 Ways To Fix A Broken Relationship I assumed it was more than just playful eye rolling because of the added detail about disparaging remarks. **Disclaimer, I am a HUGE fan of the Original Star Wars films and even buy toys from those films when I am depressed which means I have an ALARMINGLY large collection. Um, no. Wed do something hed want to do (touring a waste water treatment plant seriously), and then wed do something I wanted to do a couple weeks later (he took me to see Rent when I was 13!). For me there were clues that it went further than that (the wanting her to be competitive and giving her reading assignments for instance), but its possible that because these are her interests too that shes being overly sensitive about it. Dis you see this: He is also very critical of both of us, but particularly of her lack of competitiveness (she hates team sports, and takes archery and piano but only for fun), lack of initiative, and being uninformed,. I adore them and love them as people, not just my parents. So now our oldest daughter is 16 and . Theres something to be said for respecting other peoples interests and personalities. Mythbusters and other shows have done a number of episodes on sci-fi meet reality, too.

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